I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
