I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
