Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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