What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
