New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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