I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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