"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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