census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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