my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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