If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
