i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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