Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
