No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
