During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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