Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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