Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
