Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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