I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love having hate sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
