a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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