I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
