My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
