C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
