Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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