chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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