the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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