She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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