Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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