Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
