We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
