It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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