Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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