she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
