just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
