Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
