You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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