you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
