You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
