My hand turned me down
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
