What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
