Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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