I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
