i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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