What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
