I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
