WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
