Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
