white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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