the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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