there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My pussy is not your playground.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
