Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
