What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
