Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
