I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
