clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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