we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
